Men and women give points but not equally.

Ever had someone tell you about the “emotional bank”? You have to make deposits daily, so when you mess up you have something to withdraw… Its kind of like that – a balance sheet of sorts. HOW those points (or deposits) are made differ between men and women. A woman will award points for doing something thoughtful, helpful, a gift or a card, etc… and you get one (1) point. When a guy screws up she’ll look at the balance sheet and judge the tally.

Guys don’t do this that way. The number of points awarded are a direct reflection of the size, scale, and thoughtfulness of the gift or action. We give you flowers: 1 point; Roses: 12 points; buy you a car: 40,000 points. See how that works?

Is it any reason there appears to be a discrepancy in how men and women judge the tally sheet?

Men take away points.

You read that right: men take away points. I’m not saying this is right or justified but simply how it is done. It could be as simple as a discouraging comment and earned points are deducted¬†from the account. Points are taken away even if nothing is ever made of the problem – they’re gone.

I suppose the upside here is that getting points with guys is an easier accomplishment than it is with women.

When it’s done it’s forgotten.

When there is an agreement that something is handled and put to rest guys move on. It’s taboo to bring the issue back up at a later date to throw in the other person’s face or to be used as a “oh yeah, well what about…”. It’s a big NO-NO.

Are we secretly thinking about what you’ve done in the past? Are we still holding a grudge? Generally speaking: no, we’re not. That pensive look of introspection is probably just gas or some errant thought that has gotten us off-track from what we were supposed to be discussing.

We will NOT be stopping for directions.

And any attempt to belittle us into doing so is an outright assault on our manliness. Our inner compass and a map is all we need Рand maybe a Sextant if one is available and the night is clear. No assistance is warranted unless asked for but this only applies to immediate persons not someone outside the vehicle.

Men want to be “useful”.

We may grumble about being interrupted from our football game to attend your request to kill a spider (which, in truth, ALL spiders deserve a good killing) but give us a sweet “thank you, baby” on our way back to the TV and you’ve just earned some extra points. I should point out, however, if you’re not afraid of spiders then this doesn’t apply. Neither will asking us to get you something to drink or asking us to hand you something when you are closer to it than we are… that is points taken away.

Tell us what you want or what you expect.

For us it’s a simple enough request, something your guy has probably asked you to do for him before. For some reason (and maybe it’s those fairy tales) women believe Mr. Right would just KNOW what she’s wants or what we should do for her. Well, we don’t. There is no shame in telling us that you just want us to listen and not give you advice. If we’re doing something you don’t like – tell us; if there is another way to do it you would like more – tell us. We’re good with it. Honestly.

We really do want to make you happy, give us a hand.

Your problems.

Guys don’t talk about our problems with other guys… unless we need help fixing them. No guy EVER (EVER) spills his guts to another guy just to have him “listen”. We need help and the simple act of talking about the problem with another guy is code for “I need advice to fix this”. Don’t believe me? Head to your nearest hardware store, or what have you, and listen to the guys there “talk”. I doubt any will actually say “I need your help with” but rather they will talk about what they’re having trouble with. The guys standing around will chime in solutions.

All this is to say that if you don’t want our help with your problem tell us. We will listen but our instinct tells us that you have come to us for help “fixing” this problem. Let’s just avoid all that up front by simple clarification of what you want. Otherwise, your girlfriends are your best form of support.

Cheers!