I’ve seen some other blogs that apparently get SO much email that they don’t really have time to respond so they added a FAQ section. However, I don’t have that problem and this made me feel sad…

Anyway, it got me wondering if they did, in fact, have that many emails or if their friends were just messing with them. Seeing as how I don’t really have any friends (I’m not counting my kids or that weird woman who lives across the street who I’m pretty sure thinks I’m desperate) I decided to make up my own questions to help me get over feeling sad about my lack of emails.

Let’s begin, shall we?

Are you really a single father?

Yes, yes I am and I have the Disney collection to prove it.

Why do you have a FAQ if you haven’t, in fact, gotten any emails?

Thank you for asking, I had really assumed that you had read the introduction, but you know what happens when you assume… you make an A… oh never mind.

What kind of poetry do you like?

I don’t like poetry. You see, poetry is for people who drink wine. I don’t drink, therefore I don’t like poetry (QED) but thanks for asking.

What does QED mean?

I don’t know but it sounded cool.

Do you really not have any friends?

Mom, is that you????

Wow, you really do have a dry sense of humor.

(sorry folks, I know this isn’t a question but the email address it came from looked really scary so I posted it anyway).

Are you really a gourmet chef?

No, but I do love to talk with a French accent when describing what the kids will be eating for dinner; mashed potatoes, green beans, meat loaf, and a wafer thin slice of bread. Hmmm, doesn’t really have the same effect when typed… oh well.

You must really love yourself to make your own FAQ. Are you really that self-absorbed?

I don’t really know how to answer this one, it makes me feel uncomfortable about myself… I’ll come back to this some other time.

What’s your favorite color?

Blue, I think. I’m color blind so it may be the other blue I’m thinking of, sorry.

What’s with that weird woman across the street who thinks you’re desperate?

I don’t know actually. I’m too afraid to talk to her, she smiles at me a lot – that’s just not right. Its been like that ever since she saw me in my Halloween costume this past June – I’m the Red Power Ranger because my son likes the blue one… no, the other blue one.

What is your favorite movie?

That’s a tough one. Tangled was pretty good but then again so was The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (that Jim Carey is a hoot). Hmmm… I’m going to go with 300 – I”ve never seen it but it got crazy reviews.

What kind of books do you like to read?

I love Also Sprach Zarathustra and almost anything from Carl Jung though my all time favorite author is Kahlil Gibran – so anything he wrote. Also Dr Seuss’ books, he’s way cool and the colors are pretty.

Will you ever post a picture of yourself?

I almost did once but thought better of it.

How many languages do you speak?

Just Inglesh, though I do know enough Spanish to get beaten up pretty good. I tried to learn German in college… so yeah, just Inglesh.

What’s the worst joke you ever heard?

That’s a tough one. I’ll go with a two parter:

Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree?

A. Because it was stapled to the first one.

You know, on further reflection (having just said it out loud while I was typing) I think I like this one…

That’s all the emails I’ve received so far, I’ll post more as I get them, thanks.

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