I don’t have arachnophobia I just don’t like them. It’s true if you throw one on me, especially the hairy ones, I will scream like a 6-year-old school girl. Okay, scratch the school girl thing, its more like Marv in Home Alone when he gets a spider put on his face. Yep that would be me. By the way, my kids LOVE that part, we laughed like maniacs for 10 minutes playing that part over and over… they eventually made me play the rest of the movie though. =(

Where was I? Oh yes, spiders: they suck. I can’t stand them. It is said everything has its purpose but these shouldn’t – yes, I know there are those who love spiders as much as I dislike them and I suggest we catalog these people for monitoring purposes. Just saying…

So, here’s my Top Ten reasons why I hate Spiders:

10. They spin spider webs – seriously, this stuff is impossible to get off and if you walk through them it makes you feel like the spider is on you.

9. They have too many eyes! Nothing should have that many eyes, it’s just not natural. Okay, so maybe it IS natural but I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be natural…

8. They have 8 legs. Insects only have 6 which is 2 too many but these “things” have 2 more than that… see argument for number 9 for what is and isn’t natural.

7. You can’t see where they’re looking. It’d be one thing if you could at least figure out if they’re looking at you but you can’t… that’s not right.

6. They have eyes on their butts. I WISH I could just make this stuff up but its TRUE I tell you! Nothing should ever have eyes on its BUTT! Spiders do… nuff said.

5. They jump. Okay, combine this one with number 7 and you can work up a real case of the heebie jeebies that will last all week…

4. They’re furry! Well, maybe not all of them are furry but enough of the ones you come across are and those are the worst ones… you can see the hair!

3.  They’re just plain scary! I don’t care who you are: you’re afraid of them big or small. Seriously, you can play it cool when it comes to talk or squashing one. However, you see EVERYONE start slapping when they think they have one on them… EVERYONE!

2. Some can kill you with a bite. That’s really, really not right. Something that small…

1. They use traps! Seriously, that’s some pretty sick thinking for something that’s only supposed to have basal ganglia and not even a brain…

Okay, that’s enough; now for some real humor – click the picture!


Hyperbole and a Half